Finding Peace

I’m happy to say that I’ve finally begun to appreciate the here and now.  It’s amazing what has begun to take root in my life now that I’ve reined in the “somedays” and begun to love the todays.

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Would you believe that when I began to let go of yearning for the future, I started to create my dreams in the present?  It’s really only been in the last year that I’ve started to see my own growth, let alone appreciate the travails of the journey. 

I’ve got a little bombshell for you: You’re wasting your precious time waiting for conditions to be just right.  

Take me for example.  I thought that once I had this book or that jacket, things would line up and I’d feel great.  Don’t get me wrong, reading good books is very enjoyable, and I’m a big believer in the importance of dressing well.  But when the pursuit of “perfection” consumes the ability to be happy here and now, you’re out of alignment.  I certainly was, and I’m still learning so much.  Naturally, I ended up in debt, which is a hugely relatable stressor for a lot of people.  Then I thought, “Once I get this cleaned up, I’ll feel great.”  Again, I’m definitely pro responsible money management, but even being debt free didn’t flip my happy switch.  It’s still pretty new for me, actually, so I’m still keenly aware of all my thoughts and feelings around money. 

I digress, the point is that I was waiting for x, y, and z, to be right in order to feel what I wanted to feel, great.  Look back, the feeling I desired was the same, just the method changed.  This is when the big AHA! hit me:  The external stuff is not as important as what my internal dialogue is creating.  To simplify, I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t “feeling great,” because I wasn’t choosing to.  Wow, right?  I was getting in my own way.  I still get in my own way, like I said, I’m still learning.  What matters is that I come back into alignment just that little bit quicker each time. 

Since I quit waiting, I have cleaned up my debt (stoked about that), I’ve shrunk my wardrobe considerably (it fits in carry-on luggage and I love to wear every piece in it + I’m down a dress size!), and I’ve also begun to read solely for the pleasure of reading.  I’ve also connected with a great group of people and we’re having a blast having adventures together.  These are all things I wanted, but they were buried under waiting for someday. 

I’ve made it sound as though it was a step by step process, which it wasn’t.  I tried to make it that way, but it clearly didn’t work like that.  It was more like planting seeds and watching them grow all together.  It can feel a little big, as though life has come running at me like Dino rushing out to greet Fred.  This has all only been in the last year or so, and it is amazing to me to see how far I’ve already come.  Because I chose, and choose every day, to make myself happy.  I sincerely hope that a year from now I’ll be able to look back over this blog and see a whole lot more new chapters filled with exciting adventures and insights.



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